The Latenight Adventures of Margret
by Lady Yami
Summary: His mission: Hunt down Keyboy! His name:.....Margret? Starring the redhaired Unknown, directed by a couple llamas, and some space rhinos. Beware evil Sora, psycho Riku, and cannbilistic children. Now on Chp 4! Yay! brick
1. Welcome to Uninspired Metro Area

A Night with Margret 

AN: Yes, more random insanity. XD Since Riku Goes to the Mall is almost done, I've started up something else to help pass the time afterwards. Basically, it's about the red-haired Unknown, who the POD and I have dubbed Margret for now. …The misspelling makes him special. +_+ **cough** Anyways, it's basically the result of staying up too late talking with the POD and anticipation for KH2. Oh well, Xenosaga Episode II comes out August 4th, 2004! BUY IT OR DIE!…AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE FIRST ONE, BUY THAT FIRST!  M'kay, anyways….Follow Margret and the other members of the KH/Final Fantasy cast  as they travel around the world, leaving stupidity in their wake. Beware the evil little girl. _O

Oh yes, X-2 has consumed my soul. I just beat Chapter 3 last night. Shuyin scares the shit out of me. O_o He looks like a more masculine Tidus. I miss Tighty Whities. ;_;

Tidus: -_-

I actually started _sobbing_ when it flashed to Yunas' dream where she was running and --… Right. XD X-2 is good. Buy it. OR ELSE MARGRET WILL COME OUT OF YOUR TV AND GO "BBBIIIIGGG **RAPE**"!!! IN A TELETUBBIE VOICE AND--…You know what will happen. ^^

Enjoy and review please. **cackle**…Oh, and there's a fair amount of swearing. XD

 For the POD… 

Linnet – I shall never forget the day I randomly IM'd you with my humble presence, and how quickly we discovered that we are both really screwed up in the head. ^^

Rae – We may have had more than one child together……..They just taste so good though…I couldn't resist….

Bren-chan -….HALF LESBIANS RULE! **does bi dance with j00** Mai POD leben in verurteilter Unbegrenztheit!

Becci -….I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT STOP RAINING IN ENGLAND! Then…then….I'll come over to your house and drink all your VC. ^^

Cait – Mew is forever. BIG O, BIG FART ATTACK!

_I do not own KH/KH2….but I do own the evil little girl. _

If I DID own KH2, Ansem would be a playable character, the Red-Haired Unknown would fall in love with someone cute like Selphie, and Sora would have a random bathtub scene, instead of random battles. ^^

/Stupid Pre-Stupidity Stupidity Ramble

                It was a regular night in Twilight Town, which was town like any other…

                Except it was non-existent.

                Except it had extremely strange buildings.

                Except it was always night. (You must thank your brilliant forefathers for such an inspired name.)

                And for another thing, it wasn't a _town. _It was more like a frucking city. Gawd. Now, Traverse Town…

                                …That was more like a _district. _It was pretty damn small, in fact. But I'm sure that the animators and designers alike would not have taken great pleasure in designing an entire metropolis for eager gamers to roam. 

                So, anyway, in Uninspired Metro Area, (You fuckin' know what I'm talking about, pimp.), there was a certain amount of commotion. This was due to the fact that,

                One: Something besides a candy-ass eating Heartless Attack was happening.

                Two: Someone dropped a potato. 

                Three: There was a **very** handsome 16-year-old boy with chocolate brown hair and startlingly clear Prussian eyes juggling two humungous, (and rather evil looking), keys for a group of small children. They laughed in delight, probably entertained by the fact that, if Keyboy missed, he would be impaled and his guts would spray all over them. 

                Because cute li'l bubbly 5 year olds are just those kinda people. 

                The boy with the keys finally finished juggling, and stuffed the twin mystical weapons back into Hammer Space. Hammer Space, is, in fact, the space where all weapons that pop out of nowhere/giant comical mallets/ironically useful objects with ironically perfect timing are stored.

                Know this, or be consumed by that guy that throws around a strange ball and goes "YA"! all the time.

                "CONSUMED,YA! BUA HA HA HA HA"! Came a random voice from somewhere over the vast Square-Enix ocean, and then all was quiet again.

                "Aw, c'mon mister, can't you just risk impaling yourse—I mean juggle for us a _little_ more"? One particularly cute little girl whined. Her neatly-brushed black pigtails bounced, her blue eyes shining with inner malice—

                …I mean…the innocence and wholesomeness that comes with not having truly seen the world for what it is, and not having watched professional hockey.

                The authoress smiled knowingly, poking tentatively at a throbbing purple bruise that currently dominated her entire left side. Then, she stripped naked and ran around screaming "MOTHERLAND"! at the top of her lungs.

                Keyboy ran a gloved hand through his lustrous brown hair. You had NO idea how much shit he put up with to get it like that. All those Herbal Essences commercials. 

                "Rehearsals" basically involved standing nude in a shower and moaning until he actually started to _get _horny. Then, he randomly almost raped a poor camera girl, (We don't think she would have minded, maybe rape wasn't the BEST word for this…), and then he had to sign another restraining order.

                So far, he had quite a few. One for trying to see if the main spike in Cloud Strifes' hair was removable. Another for trying to steal Squalls' necklace. Then there was, of course, the one for killing and eating the stadium keeper…

                What was his name? 20lbs prime rib?

                ….He wasn't sure. But he had tasted good. Especially his salty brain meats. 

                You wouldn't know it, but the Jungle King made an excellent skewer for open-fire asshole grilling.

                He looked down at the girl again. Little kids were cute. This one was no exception. But Keyboy let his heart stiffen. "Sorry, kid. I'm a bit beat". He sighed, and then flashed a dazzling smile. The girl blushed cutely and looked down at the ground, twisting her ankle back and forth and rubbing her toe on the road. It was coated with blood, for this was Keyboys' usual jugglin' spot.

                "Aw….alright then…," she started, then stomped on his foot. He was silent. She glared at him. The crowd smiled. How cute, the little girl thought she could hurt a teenage boy. Aww, she just needed to learn that she was still teeny, and that a seasoned warrior like Keyboy would neve---

                "AGGGGGHHHHHH! MY FUCKING TOE, YOU LITTLE WHORE"! The boy screeched, and swung the Oathkeeper (Kairi had clearly stated that her related blade was to be used for killing any hos in the vicinity) directly at the girl. She screeched and ducked in time to avoid having her head lopped off by the enraged youth. He then dropped to the ground, tears stinging those beautiful blue eyes. "My, t-toe…it's broken…", he sobbed.

                Small evil child starred in disbelief.

**                Meanwhile…**

A solitary figure stood against the irregular backdrop of the great Uninspired Metro Area, the balmy summer wind caressing a smooth white cheek. 

                "Ewwww," came a voice. It clearly displeased of mildly-flowery language. The authoress typed still more, rolling her green eyes in frustration. 

Geezus, these Unknown bishounen were a pain in her pimply white ass. 

                "…Ewwwwww, " came the voice again, but any further comments that had been dwelling in his narrow little mind were quickly knocked out with the ferocity of Tifa running to a D-sized bra sale by a giant wash pan that fell out of nowhere. "OWWW, GOD EFFING DAMNIT"! He screeched, and then proceeded to glare at the screen. With all the wind and eerie music stopped, one could clearly see that the man was an Unknown, due to the purple (snicker) robe that concealed most of his body. Fan girls moaned in disappointment. His green eyes switched around frantically, mostly likely to kill the source of the moan. Nearly all of his glorious red hair had been chopped manically off by fan girls before, it happened to all of the Unknowns. They didn't _wanna _wear hoods, ya know. 

                "YA"?! A squeaky teenager voice screamed, and the man glared. Stupid authoress. 

So, what, you may ask not-so-dear reader, is our flame-haired, farts-out-of-hand evil Unknown doing in Uninspired Metro Area? Why…you know…that typical line that almost every villain in Kingdom Hearts ever screamed/conversed evilly about. Yes, ladies and gentlemen…TAKE IT AWAY, UNKNOWN DUDE!

                He lit up considerably, took a deep breath, and then bellowed with the force of an elephant fart; "I SEEK THE ONE WHO BEARS THE KEY"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the other side of Traverse Town, Sora-called-Keyboy had just massacred all witnesses, and had corned Evil Little Girl and was about to separate her precocious head from her tiny body, when he heard that oh-so-familiar line.

                Sighing and letting his weapon drop, he let his attention turn to the infinitely-starry sky. Evil Little Girl took the chance to haul ass, but fear not….or, actually **fear; **for she will return.

                Keyboy then sucked breath into his lovely sculpted Keyboy chest and bellowed "IT WOULD BE "I SEEK THE ONE WHO BEARS THE _KEYS_, YOU FUCKING RETARD"! There was silence for a moment, so the authoress took advantage of it and farted loudly. Keyboy glared, so she stopped giggling and dodged a Strike Raid.

                Silence.

                Silence as a spider ate yummy liquefied bug guts.

                Silence.

                Silence as Keyboy used Oblivion to scratch his ass. ("Oh yeah, that's the spot baby.")

                Silence.

                And then, the same voice; "…Oh yeah…Ummm…I SEEK THE ONE WHO BEARS THE KEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!….and YOU are a fucking retard, kid." Came the mumble afterwards.

Sora sighed deeply, couldn't God, or the authoress, or whatever just leave him in peace? Peace to find his friends? Peace to blow things up? Peace to sit on a bench and amuse himself by Strike Raiding innocent people for "target practice"? Well, apparently not, he thought as the voice broke out into malevolent psychopathic laughter.

                He sighed REALLY deeply, his look dismayed. (This: -_-)

                It was going to be another typical day…night…whatever the fuck it was there at Twilight Town.

AN: O_O I AM A BANANA!.. I mean, review please. XD **dances around in Songstress outfit singing realEmotion**


	2. The 2 new Unknowns, Tanning and doom!

The Latenight Adventures of Margret

Chapter 2 - Tanning and Gretchel and Felicity and -- X_X

By Lady Yami

AN: BUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Shouldn't I be working on Riku Goes to the Mall?...Yes. XD But writing that is so hard. **cough** I feel better when I'm writing something different like this. ._. Anyways, this chapter features a lot of Riku being stupid. ^^

People seem to be under the impression that I hate the silver-haired keyboy. The answer is NAY! _O I just simply like making fun of him. When I first started reading into KH, in fact, he was my favorite character simply because of his role in the story. However, it soon came to my attention that Riku was EVERYONES' favorite character, and I was just like....."Screw this"! _O I eventually got more into Sora, and I found I actually liked him better than Repooped.

Riku: Repooped? -_-

Sora: **struts**

Kairi: **gets squashed by Vegnagun**

Margret: **knits** _O FWOOBA BWA BWA!

There you are, my pre-story ramble. 10 reviews a chapter is all I ask for, but more will make things come faster. XD

Disclaimer: Do I really need to add one for the second chapter, to? O_o Ah well. I don't own KH. Duh. But I do wonder...has anyone ever actually been sued on this site for not adding a disclaimer? Do lawyers scuttle around on this? IS FF.N A LAWYER PLAYGROUND? IS IT?! DO THEY GAIN EXP?! HUH? HUH?! **SCREAM**

....Okay, laugh. Just try. XD

On a note: **THANK YOU REN!**

All I have is Word Pad, so I had to send the .rtf format to Ren, whom could then save it in a .html format my happy uploading doom. **bows**

Note 2: Downoad the Star Ocean EX Opening 'To the Light'. +_+

Note 3: Buy Final Fantasy: Unlimited. Guranteed consumption of your soul. @_@

/AN

            Destiny Island.

            Paradise.

            Sweet tropical breeze.

            Beautiful landscape.

            The laughter of children.

            And then;

            " I AM THE ALMIGHTY WAFFLE KING"!

            The peace was wrecked instantly, needless to say. Birds erupted from their various perches among the islet, a random hurricane destroyed a few huts (Selphie went flying by disdainfully), a car exploded, the sun went out briefly, and Tidus stopped trying to hit on a palm tree. 

            "...Riku....shut up."

            Silence.

            "But...K-chan...," the voice whined, but was quieted again by a midly-cute and highly nasal female voice.

            "Riku...just...," the voice trailed off. And now we could indeed see that the voice belonged to a pretty teenage girl who looked about 16, with a halo of red hair and clear blue eyes. 

            She looked innocent enough, really. Her has was kept shoulder-length, and she was wearing a simple white tank top with a denim skirt. She let the familiar sand sift between her toes as she sighed. The fanboys drooled, but were promptly eaten by a random Unknown. Possibly Blackcoat. 

            Errrmmm...anyways. She held a pitcher of lemonade in one hand, and wore a disdainful expression on her heart-shaped face. 

            She was standing next to a hammock, which was placed rather secretively in the MIDDLE OF THE BEACH. It was a normal hammock, really, with a strong bamboo stand supporting it. The thing itself was the simple white rope kind. Not too unusual, not at all. What WAS unusual, however, was the person laying in it.

            A long man, obviously and---

            ....Clear all thoughts out of your head...the bad kind, I mean.

            "You mean the perverse kind"? The girl, now called Kairi, questioned, ignoring the fact that the narration and whatnot and simply come out of nowhere.

            "Precisely, you st00pid Mary Sue BIATCH"!

            "Lady...," Kairi said sternly, "You MUST STOP putting yourself in your own stories. It's bad enough with _Riku Goes to the Mall_ or whatever shit that is".

            "Yes'm."

            "Who was that, Kairi"? Came the deeper yet still teenage voice.

            "Nobody, Riku. Just some dumbass 15 year old who's supposed to be doing her homework but keeps minimizing it to work on this".

            "Ah," Riku said. 

            There was a silence between them, and then; "Kairi....why won't I tan"?

            Kairi looked gravely to the sand below. "Thing is, Riku....nobody knows."

            " I mean....we've apparently spent a lot of our lives on this island, like, every day. And yet...none of us are tan," he sighed.

            "Well, there's Wakka," Kairi interjected hopefully.

            "He's half Jamaican and half st00pid b4ll d00d".

            "Umm...Tidus"? 

            "He's a main character. Plus, he ain't THAT tan," Riku said sternly.

            "...Sora"? Kairi knew she had made a mistake. For, there were a few changes in Riku since he had returned from Kingdom Hearts;

            1 He smelled funny.

            2 He got a spiffy outfit.

            3 Any mention of Sora threw him into Deep-Diveish rage.

Almost immediatly, the sky darkened over menacingly. Clouds covered the sun ("NOOOOOOOOO! NOW WE'LL REALLY NEVER TAN"!, Selphie screamed.) The landscape turned menacing, and Riku was suddenly holding the Oblivion to her throat. She sighed.

            And NOW she realized why she had never gone out with him.

Meanwhile....

            "I've gotttttttttttttt a lovelllyyy bunch of coconuts"!

            "Deedly dee"!

            "Heerrreee they are stannnnnnddddddiinnggg in a rowww"!

            "Bum bum bum"!

            "Big ones"!

            "Small ones"!

            "Some as big as your head"!

            "Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wr--"

            "HEY, THAT WAS _MY_ LINE"! The second voice roared, and one could see that there were indeed two Unknows; sitting inside a quaint looking cafe in Uninspired Metro Area. From this point forwards, they shall be known as Gretchel and Felicity. ^^

            Gretchel flipped off his hood deftly, his red eyes flashing insanely in all his seme rage. His hair was a dark sky blue. It was sucha pretty blue, in fact, that you wanted to stick crappy little glittery things on it, then yell "OH UNKNOWN, YOU ARE SO TEH LOVELY AND STARRYFUL"! and then you will try and fly a rocket into him, only his head will explode and then the camels will come to eat the remains and -- 

            Felicity quaked, and his own hood slid off. He had perfectly lovely shaggy white hair, with soft amber eyes. He was currently shaking like a leaf, as it was because his partner in insanity, (and Monty Python songs, as seen above), was currently ready to go medevil on his ass.

            "Felicity...how many times do I have to say it....," he began, his gloved hand reaching out to lace deftly through his companion's pretty sparkly hair. "Do not steal my LINES"! He roared, and strange theme music came out of nowhere. Possibly Uranus. Or HIsanus. Or Sora's----

            The audience leveled a shotgun deftly at the authoress, who merely coughed, pushed her glasses up and continued typing.

            "B-but...that was MY line," he began, and then quickly interjected before Gretchel's theme music could start again, "We CAME here in order to seek the one who bears the key--" he started, but was stopped short when a giant key suddenly imapled him.

            "_KEYS!! _WITH AN "S", MOTHER FUCKER"!!! Roared the one who sees both dead people AND stupid people. The Keyblade returned to it's rightful owner, and Felicity's wound was healed with the power of Elmer's Glue.

            Because Unknowns are made of wood and melted condoms. Remember that.

            Gretchel blinked as Felicity poked tentatively at his now-healed wound. (He he, poked is a funny word! ^^) "That was...special...". Both Unknowns finished simultaneously.

            Gretchel's bishounen features darkened. "If he can hear us...he's got to have...recon, or some shit".

            Felicity blinked and giggled in all his uke goodness. "Silly, recconisance is when you take something like a radar and--"

            "URUSEI"! Gretchel roared, and breathed fire on Felicity. His hair sizzled happily, and Felicity ran around screaming. When the fire had stopped happily consuming his hair (after he dunked hishead in a toliet), he stood very carefully, his hand poised above the table, one mild amber eye fixed on his companion. Gretchel went from his normal healthy tan hue (HOW DOES HE DO IT?!) to a nasty white palour. "Y-you wouldn't....," he stammered, licking his now-dry lips.

            "If you do something like that again...Yes. But for now, no!" The uke finished, and then smiled with his big-gentle-psycho eyes.

            Gretchel's color returned. Almost at once, his swaggering, total-confidence attitude was back and kickin'. "Shall we go destroy something, amigo"? He smiled.

            "Indeed," the uke agreed gently, and they walked out towards the light-filled doorframe with their hearts united in doomy goodness.

            Then a rocket hit Gretchel's head.

            "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, THAT'S THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK"!

AN:...Reviews! +_+ And...I really need to know what people like the most. I know this wasn't much of a chapter, I was just sort of setting up scenarios. @@ 


	3. Her name is Riri! LITTLE GIRL FROM HELL!

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1The Latenight Adventures of Margert

Chapter 3 - Return of the Evil Little Girl

**AN**: Hullo, my sweet little watermelons. **looks shifty** Hiyo! Yay, it's Sunday!.....OH NO! Actually, it's Monday. 1:16 AM O_O....And I have to get up for school in a few hours. @_@ But Toki no wanna....NOOOO! Stupid Christmas break. WHY MUST YOU END?!

Christmas Break: Cuz I'm tired of j00 sleeping until 2 in the afternoon.

Me: **smacks Christmas break**

Anyways... **Homer Simpson shifty eyes* Please review, or else I'll use the pie materia to summon Custard on all of you! AND THE GIANT CUSTARD WILL HOVER IN THE SKY AND SING RAP MUSIC, BUT YOU CAN'T SMASH YOUR AIRSHIP INTO IT! ;_; **walks away crying in Cid's outfit**

Disclaimer: I own Kingdom Hearts. ^_^ **gets Strike-Sued in head by Stupid Lawyerblade** X_X Okay, maybe not. **scuttles off**

Pretty squiggly lines go here. ^^

Far…far away…in a distant land, at another t---

"OH JUST GET TO THE FUCKING CHASE"! Hollered a male voice, and the camera switched to show a very handsome young man standing at the top of a tower in the great vast Machina city of Zanarkand, or what was left of it. 

            Everything was all overgrown and shitty, and the monkeys had developed a taste for human flesh. There overlord and master was none other than Isaaru, who spent most of his days in the old dome, pretending he was Yunalesca fighting a certain summoner…but I won't get into that. 

The man who stood on top of the tower was none other than Shuyin, the insane villain of FFX-2. He was currently feeling discouraged, as he could not find his girlfriend, and Vegnagun had been stolen by the Polygon of Doom.

They flew by cheerfully in the background, picnicking happily on top the megaweapon's head. If Vegnagun could talk, it probably would have said something about obnoxious perverse lice. Jin from Xenosaga skipped by cheerily in the ruins below, slicing his way through monkeys and lawyers alike. Shion and the rest of the gang followed him closely.

            "Is this _really _Lost Jersulem"? Jr said in awe. 

            "NO! STUPID TOURISTS! BEGONE"! A voice roared, and suddenly Isaaru was there, in Yunalesca's outfit, shaking his fist at them. "ATTACK, MY PETS"! He roared, and a swarm of monkeys came and ate their flesh. They'll be back, don't worry. Isaaru pouted.

Anyways, back to the Blonde Psycho Guy.

Growling in his deep, sexy way, he hopped down from the tower. Damned Lenne, where was she? Milk, she had said. He had gone out to check on Vegnagun, to see if the DVD player on it worked. And then she runs in there, being chased by some guards for STEALING the milk. Gawd…

He had lost his megaweapon. He had lost his shoes. He had lost his piece of ass. And NOW you see why he had wanted to destroy the world.

Meanwhile....ah, the endless possibilities of meanwhile. 

It could be, _meanwhile, nothing was happening_, or _meanwhile, Sora ate small children._

....**cough** Anyways!

Sora sat in a small, tasteful, café in Uninspired Metro Area, wiping his chin off and staring. There were a couple Unknowns in the café. They hadn't even noticed him when he Strike-Raided one of them. He sighed. Retards. The whole world was made of them. He stopped his angsty teenage angsting to stare at the wall. It was red colored. It change purple...then green.

"Whoa....dude," Keyboy slurred, smiling stupidly...and then someone pulled his hair. "OW! WHAT THE FUCK"?! He roared, completely ignoring the Polite Grammar Moose. It cried softly and walked out the door, crushing a snowman that was coming in for a stiff drink after a hard day's work at the brimstone factory. He turned, ready to destroy any who dared interrupt his....whatevering. It turned out to be yet ANOTHER bishounen, with brown hair and green eyes. 

"Hello," he said calmly, smiling. "You were looking at that wall a bit strangely, I thought I should save you from it, as I realized what it was".

"Huh"? Keyboy dead panned, looking seriously at the bishounen. There was something familiar....Ah well. "What ABOUT the wall? It's just a wall".

"Oh, no no no," the bishounen said softly. "You see, it's very BAD sort of wall...for you see...," he  suddenly looked shifty, "It's a SPACE HIPPIE WALL".

Sora let his brain sit...and sit...and sit....

a purple monkey came down from the ceiling like a spider, pulled a customer up and ate it, then dropped the remains down...

            ...and sit...and sit...the bishie blinked....he blinked..."OH NO, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR MY FAVORITE PORN SHOW"!

The bishie smacked his forehead in defeat. This kid was retarded, honestly. Sora stopped mid-prance. "H-HIPPIE WALL?! OH NO"! He screeched. "Well, it's going to die," he said darkly. The remaining customers immediately recognized the mood and fled, for they knew what was comin'. The Random Bishie stepped away wisely.

"HYAAA! ARCS ARCANUM"! Roared the angry Keyboy, and he struck the evil sheet of plaster with angsty teenage feelings and powerful doom magic. The wall exploded  appropriately, crying with a thick German accent. The bishounen dodged a few random hunks of debris, one that turned into a rocket for some strange reason, and another which sprouted spider legs and scuttled away singing Hilary Duff songs. The bishounen clapped slowly. 

"Wonderful," he said softly. "Your power is great-" He was nearly knocked over my Keyboy, who ran and Dodge-Rolled by in a fit of teenage hormone rage.

"OH MY SWEET LORD, IF I MISS THE HORNY KITTENS SHOW ONE MORE TIME I SHALL BE FORCED TO MURDER AND EAT THE INNARDS OF THAT CUTE SMALL CHILD FROM XENOSAGA WITH THE GUNS THAT ISN'T REALLY A CHILD"! He roared, and ran back...to wherever he was staying.

Random Bishounen sighed, then smiled.

... I ate meanwhile. ^^

W00t! Finally, some parts about Margret!

            Margret walked along placidly, glancing about. Ah well. Uninspired Metro wasn't THAT bad, he supposed. It was full of humans, sure, but really. He heard crying. Damn, he loved that sound. But this  was horrible. It permeated his brain. Made him wanna dance on top of an elephant and eat salami singing praise to Ishkabibble. 

Mmmm...salami....

The authoress went to her fridge and made a salami sandwich. 

She's that pitiful.

He jogged a bit. A random person pointed and laughed at him, but combusted. He ran past a café, past a hotel, past a random bit of gravel with what looked like bloodstains, through an ally....

            And then tripped, landing on his head with his feet straight in the air. "Ah....s-shit...," he stuttered. He then flipped gracefully to a standing position, his Wind and Fire circlets out and ready. What he DID see was the source of the crying, a little girl with pigtails.

            She sniffled and looked up. Who was it? She hoped it wasn't that silver-haired man with the giant sword. He kept wanting her to get in his car...

  


            What SHE saw was a tall, red-headed man. Handsome. With deep, captivating lime green eyes....strong build...YES. It was.....booger-flavored LOVE. She latched onto his leg like a horny dog.

            "Ohhh, you saved me"! She cried happily, rubbing her face on his thigh. He shuddered.

            The...maggot...was....trying....to....EAT HIS BALLS! He screamed girlishly, sticking out one leg like a pissing dog and shaking it, flailing his arms respectively. She just held on, her grip of PUPPY-ENTRAILS TASTING AFFECTION keeping her tight. 

            He took a deep breath, and thought back to Unknown School. _'Evil Little Girl Attaching to Leg....is that a 438?' _He pondered, pacing, with his finger to his chin. The girl was still attached to his leg as he paced. _'Nay! A 438 is when Your Meatballs are Threatened by Angry Italian Waffle Irons....then a 483? No....that was When Wilhelm from Xenosaga Plans a Hostile Takeover of Your Small yet Lucrative business_..' and then, it hit him. 

Quite literally. 

            Almighty Ishkabibble appeared from High Above and threw The Rule Book for The Unknown Dealies at him. He looked it up. "Hah! It's a 834"! He read, and smiled, stuffing the book into hammer space. Taking a deep breath, he grinned confidently, and did as the book instructed.

            "AHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! HANASHITE! HANASHITE! HANASHITE"! He repeated his earlier actions, one leg out.

            "Aww, but why"? She asked cutely, still attached to his flailing leg. He stopped, one arm up, and one arm down, his leg still in the air. It was funny. He had really good balance.

            He looked her deeply in her blue eyes, and thought. He was thinking about her, but then his thoughts randomly drifted to Samara from The Ring singing the Barbie Girl song in a pink thong whilst eating potato chips. He was humming it, when he realized something. 

            He grinned in a very Grinch-like manner, and slowly peeled his purple robe off, until the top half was hanging around his waist. The little girl blinked. He grinned toothily, and then leaped gracefully out of the robe, standing free in a tight black tanktop, fingerless gloves, and baggy black pants. He laughed, starring evilly at the crumpled robe.

But something was wrong. He looked down.

            Evil Little Girl was still attached to his leg, blinking up at him. She blinked adorably and smiled. "I'm Riri"! She grinned infectiously, one of her front teeth missing. He moaned, and gave up. 

            "I'm....Margret," he grumbled, picking her up by the back of her shirt. She let herself be lifted, and he held her eye-level. "Tell me child, why is it you–"

            "I think you're hot, and I just wanna sex you up, baby," she smiled. He dead panned.

            "Where are you supposed to be"?

            "Dunno".

            He blinked more at her. Then, something in his prickly evil cold little heart melted. "Wanna travel with me"?

            "YES"!

            He sighed, setting her down. He picked up his cloak, shuddering with the distinct feeling that the little girl was checking out his ass. He threw it over his shoulder.

            "Well, let's go. Don't fall behind and do as I say," he growled. 

            "Okay," she laughed, and wrapped one tiny hand around his finger. He sighed, she pranced along at a good speed, trying to keep up with his long strides. She would glance up at him occasionally, and giggle girlishly if their eyes met.

            Well, if all else fails, he _could _eat her.

Back home at the Destiny Islands! **gets shot**

            Several hours had passed, and Riku had forgotten that Kairi was his hostage. He had fallen asleep, ass in the sand, with Kairi still trapped in-between him and the Oblivion. If she tried to move he would mutter "Stay, whore...kill you..somefink...," and then snore again. It was sunset, and much cooler, at least. Ah well. She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. At least he didn't have skinny Sora shoulders.

Sora/Kairi shippers threw cans and stuff at the authoress, who put them in a recycling bin, then melted them down, built a Vegnagun replica, and killed them with it.

"Stupid Riku....," she muttered, and fell asleep herself, Derly Beloved playing softly in the melodramtic background. Then, a giant crab known as Toki came out of the ocean and consumed both of them.

At a hotel in Uninspired Metro Area!

"Whoa, that was a great episode of The Horny Kittens," the Keymaster said wisely. He then rose form his cheap bed, which smelled remarkably like the combined scent of Cloud and Tifa. 

Cat piss. 

            "I think I'll take a shower," he sighed, and began to strip. Unbeknownst to him, pr0n music started playing in the background, and the camera kept swooping around to get some interesting angles.

YES, SORA WOULD BE STARRING IN A PORN SHOW!

**AN:** That was INCREDIBLY short, I know. I'm lazy. XD

Notes: Wilhem from Xenosaga - he's the white-haired CEO for Vector. Seksy-ness MUCH. Mary and I call the black guy he always talks with "U-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-chan", because he want say U-Do like a normal person. XD U-Do is stupid, I eat it. **puts it on a sandwich with salami and consumes**

Hanashite! - Japanese for 'Let go of me'! I learned that one from kendo. :D Hanas-shee-tay. ^^

Kairi/Sora - It's cute, but its canon. Me normally hate canon. I may read it if Sora is being forceful and sexual though. I'm perverse yessssss....if anyone knows a fic like that, tell me. XD OOC is fun.

Dearly Beloved - It's the title song, Y'know, the one that plays at the Load your Doom or New Doom screen. XD I just adore it. I wish it was longer. ;_;

More reviews, dammit! Oh yes, and PLEASE visit my domain? Pwease? It's into-the-abyss (dot) net

^_^ **gets shot for shamless plugging**


	4. FOMG Short

The Latenight Adventures of Margret

Chapter 4

By Lady Yami

AN: OMFG O_O. Yes, people...I am in Saturday School. Stealth-Gym-Skipping does NO good if they have electronic attendance sheets. None at all. O_ Curse establishment, curse them! ...Anyways, I have my laptop and my Humungous Book of Biological Doom open, so they'll think I'm working. Mua ha ha ha. XD Anyways, after a month, I hath decided to update again. Don't ask me why. You guys don't even love me enough to review. ;_;....^^ So, I will be...writing, to appease my own rage. @_@

Disclaimer: Any lawyers that sue me get sent to DOOMY Saturday school, for I do not own KH or anything else I feel like mutilating through bad literature. :D

**grooves to remix of 1000 Words** Techno funk!

Keyboy was sexy. There was no doubt in his mind, and there was no doubt in the cameraman's mind. Swooping up to get another look at his ass, the cameraman was nearly caught. Another fierce blue gaze. This was the 3rd time this hour. He wasn't so good, Oh no. 

"Alright, I KNOW you're there, you...you...PICKEL JAR"! The Keyblades were out, and so was the bad insult. The imposter quaked. Oh, crap...if Keyboy caught him - images began flashing through his mind - himself, tied to the bedpost, Sora in a medevil spiked speedo with a whip, hamsters gnawing off his nipples, that guy from the oatmeal box recording it all - CRAP. He must FLEE...But how?

He looked about frantically. The windows? Closed. The door? Closed. How how how how how - AH HAH! The window in the bathroom. But how to get past him? He searched through his pants. Key to his outhouse, microphone, Kingdom Hearts walkthru, condom...picture of Kairi. Haw. 

Keyboy was filled with rage. He stumbled about insanely, his dual Keybladeness filled with sexy. THE SEX! IT CONSUMES!

**authoress is slapped**...Thanks. XD

Then, suddenly, Kairi was there. Her and her sexy. Well, just her head. It was floating rather precariously, but it was indeed Kairi's head. She looked rather disraught. If Keyboy was smart, he would indeed remember that Kairi was not at all happy with the picture being taken at that time, for she had birthed a giant pimple that night, and was feeling like an angsty teenager. 

            "Kairi, my tasty bag of sex! COME TO ME"!

            The idiotic teenager pounced the picture, and the imposted sped under his feet, through the bathroom, hopped up the toliet, and was gone. 

            Keyboy was nearly humping the picture when he realized that his prey and possible playmate was gone.

            "GASP! MY PREY HAS FLEDITH...ME"! He roared, and then took off the door. The door slammed. There was a pause, and a few more steps, the Kairi picture was taken off the floor, and then Keyboy was out on a homicidal quest for...things.

            Meanwhile, at Uninspired Metro Area's Gas Station (Smell, Unlimited Co.)

            "Im tired," a voice whined.

            "I need gas," came a sexy male voice.

            "Oh, alright," came a slightly exapserated teenage voice. 

            There was a sonic boom of sorts, and Vegnagun landed neatly next to the fuel tanks, crushing a couple cars that had  been filled with 12 year olds. D Anyways...

            "Dude, dont' you have a form that uses less freakin' gas"?

            "....Snark"?

            "Frickin Bevelle, I shall eat them".

            "Yes, sister Rae".

            "Well..."

            There was a flash of light, and suddenly, instead of a giant weapon there was a lithe teenage boy with silver hair and red eyes, starring stonily at the girls. He was dressed in baggy black pants and a silver vest, complete with sexy martial arts wrappings.

            He promptly lifted the gas thing and drunk deeply, emiting of flame-thrower type burp before hanging it back up again. 

            "...Does this make things easier"?

            "FOMG YES"! The girls roared simultaneously, ignoring the fact that when Vegnagun had indeed switched forms the girls had fallen onto solid concrete from severel hundred feet, and would have indeed been splattered flat and gooey like a pasty on Janet Jackson's bo--

            William from Xenosaga ran it. "NO SINNING, AUTHORESS'! He roared, and then smacked her over the head with a KOS-MOS doll. The fangirls came, so he ran screaming into the desert.

            That was...interesting.

            "Tokeh, I am hungry"! The one called chibilinnet spoke, pulling on her sweatshirt. 

            "I am, to," said the once known as Brenda. Becci and Rae nodded as well.

            Toki, a girl with long blonde hair and green eyes of stupid paused, putting a manicured finger to her lips. "We could eat that gas station guy". She said offhandedly, pointing tot he attractive and bored looking young man in the snack bar. 

            YAY CAMEO ITS --

            .....Um. **thinks**....RENO!

            "Why the FUCK am **I** the gas station retard"?!

            "Because I said so, now cram it," Toki spat, then whistled merrily when the POD stared. 

            Heh heh, oh but things were going well...

AN: Shortest. Chapter. Ever. XD **gets shot** 


End file.
